I'm Sorry: I've Neglected My Assignment.

These past 3 months have hit me extremely hard.

I was diagnosed with COVID-19.

Two weeks after that, I lost my job.

Then, after that, what I feel like one of my most prominent relationships was destroyed.

Now currently, my mother is in the hospital (she's okay now)…

AND I have to go back home to live…

· Now let's just stop there and think about that. I'm nearing 30. The LAST thing I want to do is go back home to live! But… I know the plans I have for you, saith the Lord. I am CONFIDENT, that this is a part of His plan (I'll talk about this in another blog post).

But, during this time of turmoil, I started a blog. However, since January, I haven't been fooling with it because literally, one thing after another has happened. One thing I know for sure, is that when you begin to do something that God has told you to do, the devil attacks in every which way. I was reminded of Ephesians 6:12; we don't wrestle against flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness of high places. Meaning this was all a DISTRACTION. (I'm pretty sure I talked about this in one of my blog posts.) I just didn't foresee it becoming THIS... I don't think I've ever been attacked this hard in my life.

Looking back at the beginning of this, before I had COVID-19, I had already stopped some of my routines. I was already falling off the course. This vision that God gave me was in March 2020. I wanted to go full force and start in-person discussions. I got discouraged because of the pandemic and then the imposter syndrome set in. Again, this was the devil attacking me where he knew he'd have the best chance to succeed.

· And if you don't know what the imposter syndrome is, it's when you begin to tell yourself, "How can I teach someone to do something when I don't have all of the answers or tools myself?" I allowed that thought to sit with me and then began to believe in the lie. Then, I remembered that God IS NOT going to give me a vision to do something, and then set me up to fail. Not really HIS style.

He said, for I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you, not to harm you! Why would He do that, anyway? He loves me and wants me to live in abundance, while I'm here on earth. Not just when I get to Heaven. I know that as long as I think a certain way, then my life will have no other choice but to follow through.

Now, I said all that to say, I see what the devil is trying to do. He may have crippled me for a moment, but I've decided to go full force in faith! My mind is made up! I don't really have a choice. I've tried it my way and obviously, it hasn't worked because baby...stressed is an understatement. However, I know that I have a Father who is mighty and is able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above all I could ask for or think of...and that's according to the power that works in me! That same power that raised Jesus from the grave is inside of me and I'm going to activate it through my worship! I'm going to continue to do what God has called me to do and I'm going to see better days! I cannot allow the turmoil of these events to become so heavy that the vision becomes dim. As hard as the devil goes, I have got to go that much harder. Stay the course, don't slack on anything. The moment I do, I can go right back down again. I will break this cycle.

I believe God allowed these things to happen so that I could see where I needed to improve and how to counteract when things come my way. Again, this is the hardest I've ever been hit in life. I'm aware of what I need to do and I've done it before. This is how I've become the person I am today. But now, God is taking me to another level in Him. Now, I'm beginning to see the little that I was doing, won't work for this next season. Again, "as hard as the devil goes, I have got to go that much harder. Stay the course, don't slack on anything. The moment I do, I can go right back down again" (Me). This is how I break the cycle. Because I also know that if I do get off course, it's going to be harder to get back on track…and I've been trying to get back on track since I was hit with COVID-19… Like what? No. That was 2 months ago!!

All in all, this has taught me to take better care of myself. That's the journey anyway lol. That's all that God has been saying to me and that's what I've been doing. I just need to up my ante. Sooo… stop with the laziness, stop with the guilt and stop playing the victim (yes, I tend to play victim sometimes because I get tired of fighting). Go after the things I want. Don't allow the devil to stop me in my tracks. Shianne, you know where your help comes from! Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and ALL THESE THINGS SHALL BE ADDED UNTO YOU. Whatever you need at that moment, when you seek after God, He comes with whatever it is. His love, clarity, wisdom, compassion, protection, healing, whatever it is. You just have to be willing to seek after Him. He's already shown us how much He loves us, by giving His only Son to die for our sins. We were born into it (thanks Adam LOL). But seriously, He has extended the invitation; we just have to accept it.

Oh… and for those of you who haven't accepted His invitation, I'd love to help you get there. Let me know. You can email me personally (shianne.nashea@gmail.com), use the contact form at the bottom of this page, or leave a comment. I will get back to you asap and we can make that happen!